"Dark Knight Rises" Review #1,395

When I walked out of the theater yesterday, I couldn't decide if I even liked "The Dark Knight Rises." I know that's absolutely blasphemous, and if anyone actually read this, I'd get death threats, too, like those Rotten Tomatoes writers.

***POSSIBLE SPOILERS AHEAD***

I think the entire thing was tainted for me, though, by the shooting that morning in Colorado. I guess the movie just seemed so . . . real. Bane and his men go into about 75 places and just start shooting people. It hit a little too close to home, I guess. Plus, a mad man holding a city hostage with a nuclear bomb doesn't exactly sound far-fetched in today's world.

I had other problems with the movie, too. For starters, I couldn't understand half of what Bane said. Maybe they should've spent a little more time and money cleaning up his dialogue. Selina Kyle/Catwoman was a little over the top, but I guess that's the point. I just wish we had gotten a little more backstory. (Although, at almost 3 hours, I'm not sure where they would have put it.)

There also wasn't a lot of Batman in the movie. I guess since he was 8 years older, it's understandable, but still. It's a Batman movie.  Actually, it didn't seem like Christian Bale was in the movie very much, period. And don't get me started on Alfred; he disappeared for about 2 hours.

Wow, that was a lot more complaining than I meant to do. It wasn't all bad. A less-than-great Christopher Nolan/Batman movie is still better than a lot of other movies. The twist at the end about Ra's al Ghul's child was nice. I've never read the comic books, though, so a devotee might have seen it coming a mile away. They kind of shoe-horned Robin in at the end, but it left an opening for another movie, should they decide to go that way. (And if they decide Joseph Gordon-Levitt would be a good Batman.) Plus, it was just pretty to look at; I wish I'd seen it in IMAX. Overall, it was a nice way to end the franchise.

As for the trilogy as a whole, I'd say "The Dark Knight Rises" was good, "Batman Begins" was great, and "The Dark Knight" was ridiculously freaking amazing.

Here's one of the 70 trailers Warner Bros. released:

Adventures With Internet Fraud

So, our house in California has been on the market for a week. Lots of people coming by to look, which is fine. Last night, though, a woman shows up and says, "I saw your ad on Craigslist."

*record scratch*

WHAT?!

We didn't put it on Craigslist; the real estate agent didn't either. After talking to the woman, this is what we know:

1. It was posted as a rental for several hundred dollars less per month than market value.
2. The person searched public records, found my grandfather, and created a Yahoo! Mail account using his full name.
3. The email he sent to the woman was in broken English. He claimed to be an American working in Zimbabwe (!) who just wanted someone to take care of his house.
4. The Best Part: after rambling on in horrible English, he signed the letter REVEREND [Grandfather's Name]. Awesome. Because who wouldn't trust a reverend doing the Lord's work in Africa. On Craigslist.

I am so ridiculously glad I'm not still in California. I would have freaked the eff out if Craigslist people started showing up at the house. I think my grandmother has contacted Craigslist, so hopefully this will get taken down, but it will probably get posted again because that's how Internet fraud works.

What a nightmare.

Texas Is Weird

So, I had these grand plans to blog a lot last month and chronicle our trip out to Texas and our first few weeks here.

That totally didn't happen.

Turns out moving is physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausting. At least for me. So instead of going back through the past couple of weeks and trying to catch you up, I'll just start with the present and go forward. (I know, you're horribly disappointed this won't be longer.)

So, in no particular order, here are some of my initial thoughts about Texas:

1. Frontage roads are stupid. Really stupid. They're annoying and pointless and dangerous at night. And don't get me started on the yielding. It doesn't make sense to stop traffic on the main road to let people on and off the freeway. Plus, my neck kind of hurts from having to completely turn around all the time. Stop it, Texas.
2. People are meaner here. Imagine a scale where one side is Super Nice and the other side is Super Mean. In California, I found most people to be somewhere in the middle -- indifferent for lack of a better word. Here, there is no middle ground. These people are only extremes. The other day, I was leaving a gas station; the only way out was if someone let you out. This big truck kind of paused for a second; he didn't stop all the way, so I hesitated before going. He threw his arms up and screamed "What are you doing?" The road rage here is seriously out of control. Which brings me to my next point . . . 
3. The tailgating here is ridiculous. In California, it happened maybe a few times a year. Here, almost every single car is practically on top of me, in my backseat. And God forbid they go around me. There can be a wide-open lane next to us, and they'll still just stay right behind me.
4. The HEB. How to describe the HEB. It's a gigantic grocery store that, at it's quietest, is like Sam's Club or Costco on a Sunday. And the people -- wow. So rude. They just stop their cart in the middle of the aisle and stand there. If you say "excuse me," they still don't move. The parking lot is a nightmare. On the upside, there are so many screaming kids, it's like free birth control.
5. San Antonio is a big city. I'm used to being in the suburbs where stores are rarely crowded and parking is never a problem. Here, all the main stores are in the actual city, so everything is always crazy busy.
6. The weather is insane. The temperature changes 20 degrees day-to-day. The thunderstorm was awesome but not fun to drive in. I was on the freeway, and my windows were almost completely fogged up. I had to pull over on the side of the freeway and wait for them to clear.
7. Everything is in storage. Because we only had three days to pack, our organized move turned into a disaster, where everything was just thrown in boxes and not labeled properly. The storage unit was also a disaster. I now get to go through walls of boxes and try to find our stuff. We have already replaced lots of items like sheets and pots and pans, which is frustrating.

It's not all bad, though. I'm getting used to apartment living. The one we have is really nice and brand new, which is awesome; I've never been the first person to live in a place before. Sammy has adjusted for the most part. She's still kind of iffy with strangers and dogs; she growls and lunges, which is new for her. Mom is settling into her new job. (That roller coaster could be another post altogether.)

I'd go on, but I'm pretty sure I've already lost everyone except my mom. I hope to start blogging on a more regular basis. I can tell you're all very excited. Bye for now.

Super Bowl Thoughts

Dear Non-Existent Readers:

For those of you who don't follow me on Twitter (@paranoidweirdo), I thought I'd share some of the magic you're missing out on. You know, because I'm freaking hilarious. (Yes, I'm kidding. No, I'm not that much of a douchebag.) It's like you're watching the game with me but with less screaming at the TV. How fun for you.

• Do the Patriots just not want to win today?
• That Coca Cola commercial was cute. I'm a sucker for a polar bear I guess.
• I hate Chevys but that apocalypse commercial was awesome.
• I don't think I've ever tweeted so much/will tweet as much as I have/will today. It's an addiction.
• I hate GoDaddy commercials with a passion. You're not actually going to see the model naked on the website. It's just going to be stupid.
• Really?! We're already doing 2013 car models? #stopitamerica
• Ummm . . . Did @DoritosUSA just use a dead cat to sell chips. Cuz that's disgusting.
• Also disgusting, Tax Acts "kid peeing in the pool" ad. Gross.
• Wow. @DoritosUSA just continues to fail with the commercials this year. The graphics in the baby/grandma ad were just horrible.
• The Patriots are finally in the lead. Let's hope this is the start of something good, and they don't lose all their momentum at half time.
• My @TiVo is now 8 minutes behind on the #SuperBowl. I can hear yelling outside but don't know what's going on. It's driving me crazy.
• I hate the New VW Beetle, but I loved the "dog losing weight" commercial. Even better when the guy rightfully said it was better than Vader.
• Budweiser is the only beer being advertised during the #SuperBowl. Are other brands not allowed to have ads or something?
• So was that horrible interception Brady's fault, Gronkowski's fault, or both? #WhatTheHellPatriots
• It's nice that the Giants didn't get anything off that interception. Let's just not do that again, shall we Tom Brady?
• Hasn't @CareerBuilder been using the "monkeys as co-workers" campaign years? #TrySomethingNew
• What's the point of letting Gronkowski play injured if you're not even going to throw to him?
• Wes Welker is fired for missing that catch. #Inconceivable 
• "Tell them to go to Green Hell"? Really?!
• New England can get a touchdown in 57 seconds, right? Right? Bueller? Bueller? #YeahISaidIt
• Ok, wow. New England is really doing everything in their power to lose this, aren't they?
• That was rough to watch. #StupidGiants

So that happened.

Favorite Thing of the Week

I cannot tell you how many times I've watched this since I found it yesterday.

Incest is best. Keep it in the family.

Making out with family members is no way to spend Christmas.

This story happened in mid-December, but I just heard about it, and it's too good to pass up. The story takes place at Rosemount High School in southeast Minnesota. There's a pep rally for the winter sports teams. Someone thought it would be funny to blindfold the captains and have them kiss someone. Unfortunately, the person they ended up kissing was one of their parents.

That's right. Mothers and sons. Fathers and daughters. Kissing. And this wasn't an innocent peck. They were full on making out. With their children. Ew. Also, gross. The WORST part is that the parents knew about this and went along with it anyway. I cannot even begin to describe how disturbing that is.

I'll leave you with the video evidence that will be shown to many therapists in the future. You can watch it if you're into that sort of thing. Pervert.